Hardships of love

Rachel was in an impossible position. She had two choices, she could make the best of this situation or she could throw a catastrophic pity party. Tragically she was really good at that. This time however Rachel would choose the former. Anthony was not obligated to her in anyway and she needed to be more grateful.

With her new mind set, Rachel headed towards the kitchen where Anthony was. “I was planning on going for a...” she trailed off as she entered the kitchen filled with Anthony’s entire family. “Oh God! Um, I...I didn’t realise that you were expecting” Rachel lost the words dead in her throat as her eyes momentarily met with Anthony’s younger son’s. He looks just like Joe. I can’t do this, how could he not tell me about this. He should have told me, HE SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME. He looks just like Joe. Suddenly Rachel was distracted by a pain in her chest. What the fuck is going on, she thought to herself. She was consumed by physical feelings of pain and emotional ones to match. She grabbed her chest hoping the pressure would help with the pain. After what seemed to be the longest time, Anthony was by her side, piloting her out of the kitchen and out of everyone’s view and into his living room.

“Anthony! I'm having a heart attack.” Rachel said with the upmost sense of urgency. This made Anthony laugh out loud. He knew it was completely inappropriate especially considering how scared Rachel was but he couldn’t stop himself. And once he started it just kept coming, almost as though the laughter wasn’t even his. “What the hell Anthony, what is wrong with you?” Rachel was furious now. By God he loved this girl. She was beautiful and irrational, sometimes more than slightly crazy but she was important to Joe and now Anthony knew why.

“You would be dead by now if it was a heart attack.” The laughter was gone now but it had left a smile on Anthony’s lips.

“That’s not necessarily true!” She snapped back.

“When did the pain start?” he asked her in a gentle voice. Well as gentle as he could sound, Anthony was a big man and he had a very deep, very large, extremely intimidating voice. Rachel looked at the ceiling as if the answer would magically appear there like a replay. “When I saw your son.” she said sadly, “the one that looks like Joe.” This time her voice was barely a whisper.

The truth was much more tragic than a heart attack. She missed Joe more than she was willing to admit. When she found out he had died, her heart broke and the cracks went deep. There was so much pain that her emotional side could not handle by itself, the physical pain, her physical heart pain was just a manifestation of the emotional heart pains she felt.

Anthony did not need to tell her what he thought, it was written all over his face and he was right. “I’m sorry Anthony.”she began to cry, “I shouldn’t be here. I have no right to do this to you and your family.” Anthony desperately wanted to console her but he knew she wouldn’t understand his love and he didn’t want to make this any harder for Rachel.

Completely ignoring what she had just said Anthony began to explain why his family was there. “It’s Sunday. We always have Sunday lunch together and they came to surprise me. I shouldn’t be surprised that my kids would completely ignore me when I say ‘I just need to be left alone for a little’” Anthony smiled; it was the most disingenuous smile she had seen on the old man. Worry was starting to set in.

“I need to go lie down for a moment, Anthony.”

Jamie and Nick heard Rachel going up the stairs and they took this opportunity to talk to their father. Walking into the living room, Jamie took the lead. “Who’s the girl, pop? And what’s going on? This secretive behaviour is not like you at all. Whatever it is, we can deal with it as a family.” Frank smiled, his family probably though Rachel was his lover.

“It’s a long story and we’re all going to need a drink for it.” Jamie obliged his father and returned with three tumblers half filled with scotch, each. He managed to balance them thanks to the years of working as a waiter, all through his high school years. “She was Joe’s girl.”Both men looked at their father as if he had lost his mind.

“No pop, Joe was with Cynthia. They’d been together so long and he hadn’t brought any girls home before her.” Nick corrected his father. Anthony completely ignoring his son, continued. “Rachel’s father is the head of the Oritha business. That’s her name. Rachel.”

“As in Peter Oritha, the drug lord? “You could hear the surprise in Nick’s voice.

“Yes, his wife Lisa found a girl pregnant; she had a heavy drug problem. She begged Peter to keep the baby once it arrived and he eventually agreed. Lisa couldn’t have any children of her own. Rachel was that baby.” Anthony took a large sip of scotch before continuing. “She met Joe when he was doing undercover work. When he was undercover she was his girl and he really loved this girl.” He paused. “You know she didn’t know Joe was dead; she never looked for him because she knew he was an undercover cop and she just figured there was a reason he was gone for so long. She didn’t want to cause trouble by looking for him.”

“She knew?” Jamie asked his voice slightly throaty.

“Yes, your brother told her, he really trusted her.” Anthony replied.

“This is ridiculous her family is the reason he is dead, why is she here!” Nick was hurt and confused; he tried to cover this up with anger. Anger was really the only way he dealt with most things.

“She finally came after him, she couldn’t do it anymore. Rachel was worried. She showed up here looking for Joe. When I told her he was dead, after she calmed down, she asked me to help her testify against her father. She wouldn’t let him die in vain.” Draining his glass, he went on, “I didn’t want you guys here because I am not prepared to lose another son. I couldn’t handle it.”

Jamie got up, not saying a single word he walked up the stairs. Feeling like he barely knew his brother shook him to the core. He needed to talk to this woman. He didn’t know what he would say but this was just something he felt he needed to do. She’s probably the only one who knew you. He was speaking to Joe more than just thinking.

When he got upstairs he listened for the sound of Rachel. He noticed movement in his old room. She probably couldn’t bring herself to stay in Joe’s. He walked towards it. The door was open. Jamie stood in the doorway waiting for Rachel to notice him, he didn’t dare speak, and he still had no idea what he would say. Why the hell am I here? He thought to himself.

Rachel was packing. Where are you going, it isn’t safe for you to leave. Eventually Jamie spoke, where he got the courage to, God only knows. “You don’t have to leave.” Searching for the words, he went on. “You shouldn’t, it’s not safe.” Rachel couldn’t turn around. She didn’t know which one of Anthony’s sons was standing behind her. She was afraid it was the one who looked like Joe and her heart couldn’t deal with that. She kept packing, more frantically than before. Just to appear busy, so he wouldn’t see what she felt. Stilling avoiding him she answered. “It’s not safe if I stay here, none of you were supposed to know. I can’t.” She stopped herself. It’s not your place to comfort me.

“Why won’t you look at me?” Jamie asked his voice had changed.

Fuck!She screamed in her mind. There was no avoiding it now. She turned around.

Oh God! Oh God! How do you look exactly like him?Her mind was racing. Looking at Jamie knocked the breath right out of her. She began to cry before she could stop herself. He smiled at her, not knowing what to else to do.

“You must be Jamie; Joe told me so much about you, about all of you. He loved you all so much.” She said as the tears continued to fall. “You have to understand that I cannot put your family at risk. Not after Joe.” She lost control and began to sob.

Jamie walked up to her and hugged her. He could tell she loved Joe.

It felt so good to be in his arms. It felt like beginning in Joe’s arms. No this is wrong, she moved out of his hold. “I need to go. I need to feel like I’ve done something for Joe.”

“My dad won’t let you go.” Jamie answered without moving his eyes from hers.

“I’ll be gone before he realises anything.”

Jamie knew it was wrong, letting her go was a mistake. But against his better judgement he was going to let her go.

Rachel picked up her bag.

“I’ll distract my family; don’t make a sound when you leave.” He turned to leave.

“You knew your brother Jamie; you knew all the things that mattered, all the things that made him Joe. Don’t let this make you doubt that, he would hate that.” He knew she was right.

Jamie walked briskly towards Rachel and kissed her. It was a soft, sweet passionate kiss that lasted a little bit longer than he had intended it to. Jamie knew he resembled his brother and he just wanted to give her some sort of goodbye.